||[Apr. 30th, 2014|05:43 pm]
Today at therapy, my therapist gave me an interesting exercise: I was to envision what the wise, calm, soothing side of me looked like, and have it talk to me. It could be anything—a family member, a character, etc. The first image that popped in my head was a golden retriever; when my therapist asked why I might thought of that, I said it might have been because I was thinking of Shadow, the golden retriever from Homeward Bound who embodied all those qualities, but I went with a very vague “golden retriever” idea in the end.
Then, I would sit in a chair, channel this side of myself, and respond to my own, actual self’s grievances and anxieties. It was a difficult task, mainly because it required me to wrack my brain with responses that were both rational and would soothe me, and pit them against the irrational mindset I was in, and also because the vision I had in my head was so abstract.
Eventually, I got the hang of it. I was able to distance my “rational” self from my regular self, embody that self, and talk to myself. I started getting a better idea of what my rational self looked like, sounded like, and I was able to talk to myself with confidence; it was still a challenge, a game of tug o’ war between myself and myself, but I enjoyed it. It was kind of like getting back into acting.
In the end, I came to the realization that what I saw and heard my “rational” self as was not a golden retriever but…Rowlf, from the Muppets.
(This video might have been what inspired it.)