MP (militarypenguin) wrote,
MP
militarypenguin

  • Mood:

I don't know how to put this in words.

I've been in a mood where I can't really seem to be feeling anything, and if I do, I'm just forcing myself to so no one will ask the question "Are you alright?" And when I force myself I start feeling angry and frustrated for no reason.

Lately, my response to a majority of the things I've been asked is "I don't know."

How are you feeling? I don't know.

When were you last feeling happy? I don't know.

When were last feeling sad? I don't know.

Why? I don't know.

I can hardly even tell my psychologist what's been on my mind lately. And I've been seeing her for four years--it wasn't until towards the end of last year that I really dreaded sharing my thoughts while I was feeling depressed. I think it might even have been earlier than that. Once again, I don't know.

I've noticed I haven't really been looking forward to anything lately, and that when I do things to take my mind off of my depressive state (such as fencing, writing, making graphics, etc.) it doesn't seem to be working anymore.

I can't tell if I'm feeling depressed or just looking for sympathy. Somehow, I don't think either one is the case. I've been feeling numb.

I've also got a confession to make--these "emo" jokes are beginning to piss me off. They used to be funny and still can be, but on the flip side of the coin, I've noticed that some have been calling their peers "emo" for committing the crime of being depressed and some have began to refrain from posting any entries describing their depressed state. Now, I agree that sometimes a certain person can be very melodramatic about it and at that point you can't really help but laugh. But not everything sad is automatically hilarious. Or "emo" for that matter. I don't think I'm making any sense.

Comments disabled because I don't want to cause anyone to worry about me or what to reply with on this entry. Stick with what's going on with your own life. I can't guarantee that I'll be fine, but I want the rest of you to be.
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