MP (militarypenguin) wrote,
MP
militarypenguin

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SUPER MARIO 64: AS REVIEWED BY FIVE DIFFERENT PEOPLE:


Joe L. Whoa:
It's a pretty tight game. I mean like, this Italian dude who's like a midget and he has to try and save his girlfriend. He does all this stuff like back flips, and punches, and he gets to SURF ON A TURTLE'S SHELL it's sweet, man. But kind of weird, you know. Because like, is that even possible? I mean, surfing's cool and all, but not on a turtle shell. Actually, it probably would be cool on a turtle shell, but it'd be hard. But anyway, so he has to beat this giant turtle man guy named Bowser who took his girlfriend and he's like, "Dude, if you want to get your chick back and save all the mushroom dudes you need to collect these stars." And Mario's like, "Ok, man! I want to get some tea with my girlfriend so I'll collect these bogus stars and uh save the mushroom dudes too." I think he should really shave the 'stache because how are you going to score with a chick with that? I mean, you have to at least make a goatee or something, right? Yeah, so all in all this game's pretty tight. Especially when you race against that turtle dude and he's all, "Oh, I'm so going to kick your ass man" and then you end up winning by disappearing and stuff. Pretty awesome.

Anonymous:
Mario is an awful game and I am apalled by Nintendo's decision to give it a KA (Kids to Adults) instead of an M rating. It delves into such themes as murder, animal abuse, kidnapping, theft, witchcraft, use of bombs, and the possibly implied use of steroids. Mario, who is supposed to be the hero of the game and thusly the ones the younglings are to look up to, willingly destroys innocent creatures in disturbing ways (the most notable being when he took away a poor turtle's shell to use it for surfing and then the turtle is shown running around frightened in its underwear) as well as steals any lose change he finds on the ground rather than turning it in to somebody. He somehow is able to crush large blocks made out of rock (this is where the implied use of steroids comes in) and can even jump to great heights. Not to mention that the "Boo"s in it (large, menacing-looking ghosts) would give children nightmares. Please sign this petition to bring an end to this horrid, evil game.

Johnny R.:
It's cool. I like Mario. He is funny. Especially when he goes "Hoohoo" while jumping, though it makes me confused whether he's a kangaroo or an owl. My friend said he might be a liger or something. I don't know. I wonder why he wears overalls because I've worn those once and they smelled like my dog because my dog slept on them once. I really like that there is a lot of blue in this game because blue is my favorite color. It's cool that even Mario's eyes are blue. I think. I hope they make a sequel.

Mary Heart:
It's a really fun game and Mario is sooooooo cute! I really dig Italian accents you know, so everytime he said things like "Mama mia!" I could feel a shiver crawling up my spine. Really, I could. He's that cute. Except not in a sexy way. That'd be gross. Which is why the game kind of disturbs me because Peach is in love with him and that's kind of gross because he's cute not sexy. But if this were made into a movie, I think Brad Pitt would make a really great Mario! I don't know why, but he seems Italian to me because he's hot. And Hilary Duff would be a perfect Peach because she's sooooo pretty! And Johnny Depp would be Bowser because I think Bowser's kind of hot in a way and Johnny would make him even hotter!

i 4m 133734 thn u:
lol mario iz t3h r0x04z. he totly pwnz j00. h3 haz rily k3w1 1337 p0w34z liek jump1gn and 0wn1ng rndom c433tu43z. hez lik "I PWNZ J00" wenevr he kilz thnem. itz kinda fun y lol bt i wsh he talkd mor omg brb i nd 2 do sumthign g2g
Tags: reviews, super mario 64
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